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"Confined"
To the unbearable quiet that leaves me wishing I could just end it all
The door slammed & sealed shut, no light to be seen, no one hears my call Man up & pull yourself together, someone once told the frightened boy So come shelter the weak one in nightmares, left without hope or joy No one left to trust in a world where I gave my heart & ruined soul to you Let us prey upon the self absorbed fool, the forever poet that only you knew Confined
I was already traumatized & disturbed & now the heart is empty & hollow Believing in nothing but aloneness, there is no path left for me to follow..... Call up the shadows as the walls close in, darkness is here, let us not pretend Did not mean to hurt me, never really a reason to ever crush or offend Face the strain & the hurt & come to terms with all I need to finally hear There was no chance of real love finding me, but when the end is near.... Confined
Punished for my adoration & worship & falling backwards into light
Confined, the knowing words of praise which still burn forever bright
Confined, set apart from anyone you could ever possibly know....
Confined to the depths of despair, I have nothing left to show...
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Have you heard the flowing stream, the gentle waters that caress & guide The burden of the remaining guilt from a life you chose to forever hide And we were enveloped in the throes of the purest love & a poets kiss Tell me truly if you dare ,to open your eyes to the soul mate you miss But you were adored unlike anything you could ever understand or feel Calming horizon, given to you openly a pure heart you never had to steal
And all the elements of a beautiful fantasy in your heart, planted like a seed Knowing you had what others would die for, please do not talk to me of the selfish need Have I said too much, will you obscure the falling tears & pretend I was never here Shimmering light of the one you named, the only truth in your soul is forever clear The worship was given by the absolution of the words an angel once said unto me Remember this & hear me now, asking yourself at night, how will you ever be free
Calming horizon, accused of weakness, this broken child taken into the rabbit hole too deep Concealed the gifts, but apparently only you really know what was yours to eternally keep This haunting gaze which descends upon you, awaiting the day when the poet is no more Her eyes said so much, beauty from a gentle touch, the sin eater you chose to hold & adore
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"World Traveler"
I awoke to the sound of bag pipes upon a misty morning in the highlands of Scotland Walking past the waterfalls of Foyers, beyond the woodlands leading to the Loch Within the walls of Blackness castle & Loch Leven, the cold rain which caressed my face And in the blazing heat I did travel to the Giza Plateau & to Alexandria & Karnak
Sailed on the Nile, the longest river in the world & ventured into Tanzania....World traveler
Heard the chanting voices and calls to prayer in the sandy dunes of Tunisia Slept upon the boat on the way towards Bodrum in Turkey & watched the sun set Mesmerised by the nomadic belly dancers of Cappadocia, swam inside the pirate caves of of Alanya, walked the steep path leading towards Snake Castle, & tasted the night air
Did research in Syria travelling through the ancient ruins as I visited the dead city of Serjilla, Resafa, Ebla & the dark mystery of Appamea, I was there, and walked for hours in Aleppo & felt the sun upon me....world traveller
Breathed in the secret scent of the ancient winds while in Morocco
From Tangier to Marrakesh, the poet who wished to see & feel more
I only wanted to walk further & understand the mysticism & the chant
I have died 3 times & saw more than most people will ever dream of seeing.
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"Forever Whisper"
On the day you passed on & the humming became eternal & real
Soft kisses upon my weary head late at night, in my heart she is real
Telling me to put away the memories of horror & please live your life
Sweet bird songs of the love remaining inside, the loss of my wife
Forever whisper, stay the path & let them know this poet will continue to shine Forever whisper, from the gentle soul of the rising beast who became so divine
Another long winding path which leads me to the ocean & this love song Beckon to me & hold me close, please take me home where I belong Recognize this voice & the eyes that showed you the man who lost all & fell Follow the scent of blood drops, this unleashed rapture of sorrow in which I dwell Lift me above the accursed shades of darkness that took my breath away....Forever whisper, healing the crushing pain of nightmares chosen to stay
On the unfaltering wings of the apparition who led you to his heart
Forever whisper, calling to the undying love which owned you from the start This grateful being of sorrow filled wisdom & the passion of one touch Forever crying out, forever whisper, the one who needed you so much
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"In All That You Said"
No need to go into detail because you know the story which is nowhere near over yet
And our eyes met & there were no words that needed to be said, just a radiant sunset I know you relive the moment & that you cry without tears, just remember & learn A beautiful King, the poet who owned your very heart, volumes of poetry I began to burn Knowing the pain & hurt of no one to talk to, but I lay awake at night in my bed In all that you said Like a broken record of my ignorance, how could I ever forget your words every night Adoring you every waking moment, giving flowers & worship, but where is the light? I dedicate this falling soul to the word of the only love I felt was left for me.... In your refusal to be accountable to be open or honest within your life, now you see In all that you said, so transfer your guilt & hide who you really are, how can you be free?
I Shoulder this cruel game & mutter & shout to the anger & wounds of all I forever hold And I know your prying eyes watch the only true love you ever had, as we both grow old You spoke before of a king never having to beg or kneel, as I say to you right now The day will arise when you come to explain, just remember, it is you who will bow
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I tell myself as I awake & before the darkness of slumber drags me down deep Just push aside the still fresh wounds of depression, thought I was yours to keep Allow the punishing silence to break me down & teach me more about being alone When the panic attacks are so bad, cope with it! No more light to be shown.... Accept these lessons of sadness, realizing all this time there was never a chance Stared deeply into my eyes in that room, the beautiful music & the slow dance Left behind
There is no guilt for me to feel, no one here to talk to, so I punch walls or I cry Just another fools poem tossed away, looking for reasons to just say goodbye Watch the sweat pour from my head down my back, another 30 mile walk Do you dream of holding me? But it is only to myself I reply as I whisper or talk See the disturbed one who holds onto the pain, suffering through the years Falling amidst the animosity of nightmares & re-living the same old fears left behind.
This mask will not be removed, hidden away so no one will ever know
I keep walking, wishing for peace, my breathing is heavy & slow....
Left behind, the king of nothing, the angel who decided to let go
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"Beyond The Sea"
I was walking along the shores of Redondo Beach, before the morning light could even appear My feet touching the cool wet sand, remembering too much, pretending you were near Out of the corner of my eye a wasted tear drop cascading slowly without shame I cried The seagulls watched me without emotion, but I guess there is nowhere left to hide Beyond the sea, the slow motion waves drowning out the cries of the forgotten one Wishing my hand was held, but the memory faded quickly before it all had begun
And beyond the sea, the first spark of morning light appeared & I fell to the sandy ground No one here to witness the shame of the weak poet who screams inside without one sound A soft chill as the dawn slipped away & the sun showed the image of the poet you once knew
Looking at the sky & feeling overwhelmed by the sorrow, feeling the ocean spray as it blew Beyond the sea, the muffled sounds of aloneness & the scratching tension upon my chest A tortured man who waited for years, it was not a dream at all, it was only a test
Beyond the sea, but who was out-shined by the spoken word poetry which became a song Clean & sober & I keep rising up after so much pain, but still they call me strong.... Unaware of their praise & kind words as they tell me my music is something they need Beyond the sea, my broken heart floating away, took away my only soul & now I bleed
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"Accepted"
They saw me in a different light, one that I cannot believe in or ever truly see Accepted the darkness from deeper within, why be fake or show such hypocrisy Did not bow or prostrate before Kudun, he seemed to understand what I was Touched my face & I felt something I only felt once before, the story of the fool Burning the candle at both ends & hanging from a thread, do you still see me? Accepted, the adorations & worship only to tell yourself lies as you ran away
Yes I face the strain of ignorance of false light, this ruined king is obsolete No more reason to feel concern because I was ghosted only to burn ..... Freedom to surround myself within the bleak confines of sadness & tension This is my path, concealed within the box, that heart you said you held onto Accepted, mixed messages or words you never really truly meant to say! Below the surface of that emotion which lays there hidden from everyone
Forget the sunset or the last sunrise before the ghost of your past swept you a 2nd time Telling me the flowing words which connected you, but play time is over & the game is done And you said you knew me & all of me, so I guess there was cruelty in your intentions
Come to me my friends of the weaving words I summon in whispers & a gentle sigh Hold me close to the light which envelopes the essence of the depth we all truly feel Accepted, we begin to shine & arise
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This is the newest album titled: "Release Me" featuring the work and collaboration of John Scott Shepherd & Shane Beck: The Last American Poet.
Here Shane does "spoken word" and I lay down some haunting music to his words. Cover art by Garland Hopkins.
